Change Is Inevitable.
March 17, 2003 5:45 p.m.
I slept and slept and slept some more. John�s sister and brother were coming over at five in the evening and I fell asleep at four on Alexis� bed watching �Ten things I hate about you� which is re ran on the USA network at least 3 times a week. But anyhow. I think John is upset with me because I didn�t wake up to meet his brother and sister. Well, he didn�t try to wake me up, but I guess he thought I should�ve done that on my own.
I feel like a complete ass now. And I keep thinking about someone and it�s driving me crazy! In a not-so-good way. I go to sleep thinking about him and wake up thinking about him. What�s my problem? I definitely need to get out more so I can concentrate on realistic things. Not people that don�t even live in the same area code as me.
Dee pointed out to me that I didn�t even say how I felt about Bill�s death. I�ve questioned my religion so many times and no matter how much suffering and despair I see, my faith in God still exists, and continues to get stronger by the day. I believe everyone has their time to leave this place. Bill was suffering from his cancer, he was only alive because of tubes and morphine. I believe it was better for him to leave his body behind. And I think my God will take good care of him. So I am comforted by that belief. I don�t recall even mourning his death, just celebrating his life.
Now if I could just get this certain someone out of my head I would be okay. I hate having no control over how my heart feels. That�s been how I�ve lived my life, I�ve let my heart lead my way, and look where it�s gotten me. No where but heartache. I should probably stop being so blatantly obvious that I like him; it might better my chances of getting �over� this person.
"More to this life, then living and dying. More then just trying to make it through the day. More to this life, more then these eyes alone can see" --?