What Happened?
July 16, 2008 10:05 a.m.
Mike and I have been together for four years and 2 months. I stupidly was intrigued by the idea of marriage, but the truth is I think I wanted to get married for the wrong reasons �to be married. I love Mike with my whole heart and wanted nothing more than for him and I to be happy. But the fact is, I have not been happy. In the past 4 years Mike has not showed me that I am in any way special to him. Sure, he tells me he loves me, but not once has he went out of his way to even attempt to do anything special for me.
For instance- I've told him countless times, how I would like for him to learn how to cook, so at least this way I don't have to cook every day. I've told him this since 2004, and he maybe cooked a handful of times, and that was basically because I said "Look! You're cooking!" and what did he do? He complained about it the whole time and would throw a temper tantrum...
Another example is whenever I ask Mike to do something like responsible adults have to do �which I should not have to ask him to do in the first place (such as dishes, Laundry etc�) he would have an attitude like I just threw off his entire day. All his interests consist of is playing his Xbox 360 or his PSP.
On the Fourth of July my brother bought about $700 worth of fireworks, the entire family was over at my mom's house. We all had a cook out and later that night we were lighting the fireworks off on the other side of my mom's house. Mike remained on the side where no one else was� playing on his PSP. I made an attempt to get him to watch them with me, I said something to the effect of "Are you going to watch the fireworks?" And without even looking up from his PSP he stated that "I can see them." It was obvious he was not watching them, and more importantly he left me to watch them alone. I was to say the least- irritated.
The very next day I was shooting pool at my brothers and when Mike could be socializing or joining in, he just sat on the couch and played his PSP again. These are just some examples from the past couple weeks, but these types of things have been happening all along. I just fear that if I stay with Mike and he gets his dream job (which he is in school for) he will be playing games the rest of his life, and look at how bad it is now- it will only get worse, and I'm tired of wasting either of our time on each other.
Mike would tell me that he wants to do things for me but his excuse was that he had no money to follow through. I would tell him that it didn't require money to make someone feel wanted, needed, appreciated and/or special. It's all in the little things you do. After 4 years of sounding like a broken record, Mike and I went on a break last week and just yesterday I had finally given up and decided that with Mike I will never be happy. He made a good effort this past Sunday, but I feel like that was just a desperate attempt for him to avoid the inevitable, and that it was not something that would remain consistent.
I'm not saying that every day I need to be swept off my feet so-to-speak, but once every few months is not so much to ask.
I know I am Mike's first girlfriend so it's hard for him to know what exactly to do, but why can it be so hard for him to figure it out when I out right tell him! It just baffles me that it took me actually breaking up with me for him to show me that he loves me. Sadly, I think it's too little too late. I have hardly a thread of hope left that he will change.
How many chances should I give him to change? And more vital, how do you stop loving someone?