A Letter To My Brother...
August 16, 2005 1:36 a.m.
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When we were little kids, we would always play together being that you were only a year older than me� well a year and NINE days as you always seemed to point out to everyone who asked, and even some who didn�t. I felt like I had my best friend with me my whole life. The best friend that I could always confide in, and who always seemed to give me advice and be there for me when I was upset, and defend me when Gene thought I would be the demise of him and mom. You gave me advice when I asked for it, and sometimes when I didn�t. Most of the advice was good, but some was bad. But I guess you always have to take the bad with the good�
I remember making up games with you and one of our favorite games to play was �Don�t Touch the Floor.� We were so easily amused� I remember getting in trouble all the time with you because we would jump all over the furniture and whatever else we could jump on to avoid touching the floor. Do you remember the time when we got in trouble for mashing Kix cereal into the carpet? Those were good times. I can remember when we decided if we couldn�t get Dunkin� Donuts that we would make our own jelly doughnuts. Two loaves of bread and two jars of strawberry and grape jelly later� we had a huge mess, but hey it actually tasted pretty decent.
I can still remember when you loved the Spice Girls and I was completely obsessed with Hanson. Those were our teeny bopping years. I still kind of have those, only this time it�s with Johnny Depp, granted he�s no long blonde haired singing keyboardist, but you get the idea. I can remember when we had our math classes together and I beat you at a round of �The Multiplication Game.� I thought I was so smart, until round 2 when you put me in my place. Who knew 7x8 was 54? Oh and who can forget Mom and Aunt Tammy putting us to �sleep,� and we faked asleep just long enough to sneak out of the room and under the chair to watch �Child�s Play.� Nightmares for weeks.
I also remember the day Alexis was born, like it was just yesterday! I was so mad at you for telling mom that you would go with her to the hospital� I so wanted to go, badly, and hated you at that moment for being the eldest. Life seemed so difficult back in 1993... If only I knew then what I know now, heh. I can also remember the first time I moved away to go live with dad. I cried and cried every night thinking of you guys and how much I missed you all and how much I missed the brother I once knew to be so close was now so far away, and starting his very own life. I was afraid you would forget about me, the way mom and her brothers have forgotten eachother. Moving away seemed to last forever.
So I moved back with mom, and you grew closer to me then ever before, we were in our late teens, and seemed to have so much more in common as we were becoming adults. And just when things seemed to be going great, I moved again, back up to Michigan. I knew nothing would ever be the same after that. I came back and you had grown up, rarely calling, always with your friends and doing things that I didn�t see fit to do. I missed the brother I had, my friend, the guy who always seemed to be available whenever I needed him.
And now thinking about it, I am missing him now more than I ever have. Not knowing how he's doing, not knowing if he's okay or if he's too cold in that god awful building� Knowing that he's staying up late at night and just thinking of ways to get out, thinking of ways to right the wrongs. I am worried so much about you, Jera. It hurts me to know that my big brother, the one I would always look up to had let me down, not intentionally, but still... And although I am feeling let down, I am also feeling hope. Hope for your future, hope that we can once again become the brother and sister pair that I have missed so much. I feel hope for you, hope for us and hope that this will be a life lesson for us both. Forget about all the worries you have and focus on where to go from here. It�s not a life sentence; it�s a path that you have chosen, and a path for you to change. I love you so much and hope that some day soon I will be able to hug you as my bother, my friend, my confider.
I Love You Always,
Be Strong
Sommer.