What else is there?
July 25, 2005 5:50 a.m.
I am so tired! I haven't been to bed yet and I worked all day yesterday. Matter of fact that seems like it's all I do now is work, but the paycheck should justify that. I have been so stressed out lately and dead tired, I think all these things that are going on around me are taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. I get sad very fast nowadays and there's been a couple days that I just cry... I really need things to change, I'm not strong enough to deal with all that I've been handed and I'm trying so hard not to let it show in my job performance. The thing of it is: All this bullshit that's going on around me was 100% avoidable. I did the senseless thing to move and now I can't tell left from right.
Every night I've been going to sleep with over 20 things on my mind. The main one being my brother. I hope he is okay� I have often contemplated moving back to Florida volunteering just to help out with the heartache and stresses my mom is going through, but then I think of Mike and know that I should just stay here and try to deal with it all here and try to cope with all this pressure.
If my life were like baseball, I'd have an unbeatable strike out record. I'm having myself a little pity party here, bear with me. I just can't seem to do anything right, and I'm conflicted on what to do. My mom needs me, but I think I need her more... I guess there is a brighter side to every story, and in this particular case it would be that Mike has been accepted to two jobs, I think he'll take the one at Staples or whatever the hell it is. The weekend has prolonged the hiring process, but he's as good as in.
What do I look forward to when I come home? I wish I had an answer.
And I Quote: Happiness depends upon ourselves. -Aristotle